Rock Band Family at the Country Inn!

Remember in the 80's and 90's when bands were notorious for trashing hotel rooms? They would leave holes in the walls, tear out fixtures, burn down the rooms. Well here we are in Myrtle Beach on vacation staying in 2 rooms at the COuntry Inn and Suites. We got the rooms for free because Mark had a ton of gold points. When we got here we discovered we were situated directly next door to a strip joint named FANTAILS. The 3 boys are in one room (Dad, Andrew 10, and Jared 5). All of the girls are in the other room with two double beds and a roll away (Mom, Sam 16, Grace 10, Ella 6 and Matea 3). After the first night Andrew asked why there was so much music coming out of the building next door. I just explained that they were probably having a party.

Yesterday took the cake though. I think my family should share the hotel room reputation along with THE WHO, TWISTED SISTER and any other rock band BANNED from hotels. It all starts with Matea who had been given too many fruit roll ups (note to self and parents everywhere...never ever ever give a border line not quite potty trained child too many fruit roll ups). Matea had to wait for the bathroom because the teenager was showering FOREVER WITH A LOCKeD DOOr and Matea decided to squat somewhere. I discovered it totally by accident when I stepped in it..(sorry.but wanting to be honest here)....so I freak out and clean it up...still not having the teenager OUT OF THE SHOWER AFTER AN ETERNITY and I couldn't walk across the hall to the other bathroom...EWWW!!!! I eventually clean Matea and my foot up and of course the carpet. At least she picked an out of the way spot (can't figure out though how my foot found it)...OH and the carpet there was brand new and a beautiful shade of basic beige the fruit roll ups were mostly green. Then I give the kids a snack...I lay out a towel on the floor ....Orange soda, popcorn and cookies. While the popcorn is in the very old microwave with no timer but just one of those twisty knob things, Jared spills orange soda everywhere. I totally over react and yell (because I still haven't recovered from the previous family incident)which sets him into a full out tantrum screaming and yelling kicking and hitting the walls ...I gain my composure tell him he can have water...he is still freaking out because he wants the orange soda (remember this is the same kid that totally lost it over the dragon deciding not to make an appearance)..he escapes the room looking for the boys. I know the boyz are not there..i run into the hall (we are very very loud) and pull him into the room as he kicks screams etc...I then remember about "time in and holding your adopted kids super close" which he didn't seem to like...I am lying now with him in the pile of dirty laundry just inside the door. I tell him I am sorry I yelled but he will not forgive me. Then I smell something burning...i then remember the popcorn with no turn off timer. Of course the teenager and three other girls in the room never noticed as they were ignoring Jared and I while watching Hannah Montana...Suddenly I scream for them to turn off the microwave while Jared tries to escape again telling me he only wants DADDY AND ANDREW (the day before he said "me no like Daddy and Andrew.dragon no come." Sam pulls out the burning microwaveable popcorn ..I simultaneously tell them to not open the bag and instead they dump it in the bathroom garbage. THe room now looks like there is enough smoke for a full fledged fire...the girls open the window...it smells like marijuana (burnt microwavable popcorn in a small hotel rooms smells like that). The girls continue to watch TV while I am coughing and holding Jared like a baby next to the door while sitting in a pile of wet swimsuits and dirty underwear ..I am very flustered because Jared is still freaking out and the girls are annoyed because they can't see the TV over the smoke. In desperation, I decide to tell Jared, a huge fan of superman, that superman will be very upset if he found out that he wasn't respecting mom and dad (I never read this technique in any parenting book...but this is jazz improvisation parenting at its best). I say superman loved and was nice to mommy and forgave his mommy when she accidentally yelled. He says "me no care." I then take a tip from my sisters who pretended to call Jesus on the telephone when I was bad as a child (I also threw tantrums like Jared)..I tell him that superman called (I am holding my cell phone having really called voice mail)and asked him to be nice to mommy. He looks at me and says "mommy, I sorry." He then falls asleep by the door in a pile of dirty laundry. Ella jumps in the shower...I then hear a scream...I come into the bathroom and there is blood everywhere (blood and water make the spill multiply into 10x the amount). Ella 6 decided to shave her legs and knicked the area by her ankle that all of us women have knicked when we shave our legs. I sit with her for about twenty minutes telling her to stop with the shaving (she convinced Jared to shave her eyebrow off the first week we were home). I have Sam run to the lobby for band aids. By now we have a reputation as that very loud family. I am using hotel washcloths and hand towels to stop the bleeding and clean up the floor. We were in the habit of removing razors from bathrooms in our house but forgot on vacation. I clean up her foot and the bathroom with hotel towels...now bloody. Sam comes in to go to the bathroom. The toilet is not flushing. I have to call downstairs. The guy comes in to check on the toilet, climbs over Jared, takes a whiff (i show him the evidence with the popcorn and think well at least the smoke smell masks Matea's accident). He fixes the toilet...I ask for new towels...Mark and Andrew finally come back and tell me they prefer to hang out in their very clean room across the hall...of course when they want a snack they knock on our door. I wake up this morning with a sore throat.