From our Cul de sac's to the Compound! African Teen Orphans and Adoption!

I had been in labor with my second child for several hours and then the doctor announced after the delivery via Csection "You have a beautiful baby boy!"   I was so surprised. I immediately lost my breath and started crying out of joy.  I really had never even dreamed about being a mother of a boy...And then when I first laid eyes on Andrew I continued to cry. I could not believe how beautiful he was and I still could not get over my reaction. I was one of four girls and loved it. I had a daughter and would have been elated with another girl. I was so surprised at this sense of joy, pride and awe I felt as a mother of a boy.....

When we adopted from Ethiopia I had been warned by some people about older child adoption. For many people an "older child" is 2 or 3.  Then when we adopted our sibling group of 3 my heart connected to all of the kids. But there was a knowingness in my heart that my responsibility to the youngest was somehow even more profound. Jared couldn't remember his mother. He loved his grandmother and called her 'amaya" or mommy...But he longed to be taken care of and Mothered...I was blessed again to be a mother of a boy...an older Ethiopian orphan prince...of 6.

In many countries the boys are revered so much that the baby girls are the ones abandoned, aborted or killed via infanticide. There are many cultures that believe there is more value to their sons. Ironically, in adoption circles girls are very popular. I find it interesting and sweet that the people going out to adopt are drawn to the gender of the child that is readily discarded first. However, since the "demand" is for baby girls, then baby boys, then toddler girls, toddler boys, girls, boys...then to special needs like cleft palate, "hiv+" other special needs...it seems really obvious that teens are totally not considered . And teen boys are considered for adoption last in line. What happens to girls and boys who have been orphaned all of their lives and then age out from the orphanage and then onto the streets of a country whose average life span is 45? They are poor and have no one...so fall into all kinds of bad situations and many time can die within 10 years of being out in the rugged streets of the city, where dozens of 'aged out' orphans struggle to get food, get a job, find a place to sleep and hope not to die of dehydration. Some girls are met by pimps that wait on the outside of the orphanage after catching word that 'one' is being released on a particular day.....she goes from orphan status immediately into slavery via prostitution (she is owned not mothered).

The reality is that there is so much promise and so much hope in a teen (girl or boy), But who is going to come?  The percentages in Ethiopia alone is that only one one hundreth of 1 percent of the 4.6 million children orphaned are adopted every year. Of that one one hundreth of 1 percent the special needs children and teens are the last to be considered.   One statistic is that even though many of us consider adoption only 3% of the Christians in our country adopt....most of those babies...

My husband and I have two boys  that we call our sons in Ethiopia because they are our children's brothers. They are anywhere from 14-18..not really sure. We don't really know where they are exactly or if they are okay...They are orphans and we didn't know about them until late in the adoption process and we were told that they were unadoptable....But we wonder, worry and pray for them and deeply determined to get a phone number or have someone visiting to find them so we can get a report...

I have one friend that ministers to the boys on the streets of Addis. But there is only so much he can do. There is also an orphanage called Kolfe Orphanage that my friends Eileen and Jerry have tried to raise funds to restore etc.  But no matter how many new sheets or how many new beds, books, shoes you can buy for a teen boy....it can't replace the love of a mother. So many long to be able to call someone mother even when they are 15, 16, 17...Some will never get the chance before they die at some point within the 20 years expected life span post orphanage.

What is wrong with us??? Why are we so afraid to extend ourselves in faith to love another human being that isn't wrapped up to look like a baby in a diaper commercial?  Why can't we look past our fears and look into their loss? Why can't we have confidence in our own capacity to bless, inspire and heal another human being? Why are we so self focused on our potential lifestyle losses that we can't see the loss and lack of style in the lives of the  orphans of this world that  live without anything?  We have so much that is given to us not as a result of our affluence but as a result of our ability to read about God and what he says?  We should have the faith and dictate to go to those orphans simply by our ability and blessing to hold a bible...God tells us to go to them.  Can't we extend ourselves beyond our cul de sacs and into the compounds of windowless buildings, pillowfree beds and dry wells that hundreds of children live with every day??? Just by lending a hand or an encouraging word or by giving up our 4 dollar latte's can mean life to someone.....Kolfe Orphanage

ESL Report Card! CHATTY CATHY!

So, when we went to Ethiopia our kids knew very very little English. We were told that our oldest Grace would know some. First we met Ella.  When we met her we were surprised to find out that she was speaking English a little. The other two didn't speak much. But we soon found out that Grace understood even though Ella seemed to have a better command of English.

So when we got home Ella would get in trouble from chattting incessantly in Amharic and insulting her siblings in Amharic. One time Grace was almost crying because Ella had said something. Grace insisted we call my Amharic speaking friend. My Ethiopian friend Yemi got on the phone with me and told me that Ella was calling her sister 'devil' in Amharic.

Later eventhough she could talk and talk she also was the champion when we would play the quiet game...Anyhow, today we received an ENGLISH SECOND LANGUAGE report card. We all had to laugh because although it has only been  a year. Her reading, listening etc...we all average but in the area of speaking she is off the graph...Grace's was all even..ELLA's is attached below...see for yourself.

4th of July 2009!

So it was a really great 4th. Shmoopy went to the lake with her friend. But that is happening alot as she is gearing up to go to college. She tried water skiing and thinks she needs more upper body strength.

We started out at the YMCA after I slept in. Breakfast was Dunkin Donuts as Mark took them out for the special treat. I took them swimming then at the YMCA.
Mark had to practice for the Jersey Boyz. He is playing the keyboard part for the road tour when it is in our area. Awesome extra gig to catch. I had the band over for a potluck taco dinner here the other day. They have been on the road for 2.5 years and my girlfriend Caren is in the band as is my friend Chris on sax.

So the kids went to the YMCA and had free gourmet ice cream sundaes from KILWIN's...

We came home and then went to a picnic with our church. Had a blast.

We then decided to forgo the crowd with the fireworks and head home. We again were blessed. As the sun set we heard some fireworks, went outside and no kidding it was as if we were given our own FIREWORKS SHOW...Our neighbors about 4 houses down no lie put on a show that looked like the Grucci Brothers in NY (they put on the Macy's show)...we had the kids put out their blankets, made popcorn and were on our front lawn with a birdseye view and no trees in the way..PLUS...no crowds...bathroom inside...full fridge and all in our jammies...IT ROCKED...

Of course earlier in the day I again noticed that Jared came out of the house again with mis matching flip flops...at least they weren't pink sparkles and hello kitty ones..

We are leaning on God. Starting school on Tuesday (with the exception of the little one-Princessa) and getting ready for college with Shmoopie in August....and my book release in August as well...we'll also be in Illinois for 10 days during next track out in September...

Ethiopian Americans! FINAL ADOPTION DECREE TODAY!

Going to Africa is quite an education. You realize the nuances between the countries. Of course this could be said about South America too. When we were there the Ethiopian friends we had met were serious about identifying themselves as Ethiopian. They even pointed out some Somali's or Ugandans when we were there and called them such. One of the requirements in adopting from any country is to promise to encourage a cultural identity. My Guatemalan daughter is not Mexican but like Mexicans is Hispanic. My Ethiopian Children are not Somalian but they are both African. Still, if you talk to someone who recently became a citizen here they will tell you specifically "I am Dominican", "I am Ugandan"...My children's language is not the same as the people of Nigeria, their food is different, the dress is different...the same is true with the Guatemalan people verses the people of Peru. So, my Ethiopian friends here in America made it a point to encourage me to help my kids to not lose touch of their foundation (Ethiopian, Guatemalan and even Jewish, Irish, and German). Recently, a critic of interracial families came across my blog and had a problem with my kids being called Ethiopian. She said they are African American period. They are African American TRUE!!! But they are also blessed with a recent and vivid memory of where they come from . They can help to teach all of us Americans about a culture that is rich, beautiful and ancient. My children are African American now and I am proud of that. BUT they will always be Ethiopian first and there is a sense of confidence in them when they say it. Even when I hear my 4 year old Guatemalan daughter speak about Guatemala she is proud although she has lived her since she was 8 months old. Throughout the past few years my family has been embraced and educated regarding the entire Ethiopian culture. We are so proud to have been adopted by so many from that country. I just want to share with everyone that my children are fortunate in having an even more specific identity than African American. I look at the faces now of African Americans now knowing the simple visual differences from the various African countries and can almost identify the part of Africa their ancestors must have been from. It is sad to think of what had been stripped of them via slave trade etc. But I really really do not want to do the same to my children. I would like to encourage all of us to look at recent African immigrants as being able to bring back something that was totally lost through that awful business of human trafficking and through my children and others be reminded and educated in knowing how different each specific part of Africa is and how rich of a country it is...and could be if we all simply could see the intricate specific beauty each part of it adds to the big colorful quilt that it is...

How to Throw a Kid's Birthday Party for $10!

So, I was working through the budget for Matea's party and realized i could have done it for $10. I spent around $40. Here is the agenda first.

8 kids (plus 2 more of mine and 5 adults=15)
party was Thursday from 3:30-5. With older kids you can't do this because of school etc. Also, I think maybe 1:30-3 is better. That way you can have lunch first on your own and then have guests come for dessert/coffee (this was a little too close for dinner).

So, kids arrive decorate bags I was given for free. I had them only put names on it but they could put stickers and sparkly stuff.

Next...hot potato or hot stuffed animal. I bought 8 stuffed toys ($1 each at Dollar tree) and then each time a kids was out they got to keep the stuffed toy and help the other kids turn the music off for next round.

next-pin the tail on the donkey ($1 from dollar tree)..it was really 'pin the tail on daniel's lion". More $1 party favors but I would also recycle something in the house like chocolate that we were given in the house from Christmas ---still not expired.

Paper products (cheap from dollar tree) but I would have loved to have organized a proper tea party like my friend Teresa George did using China...saves money and is really fancy for the little girls in their dresses.

Milar balloons-$1 each at dollar tree....

So you have two games and then you have cake-we had cookie cake because I had made a cake the night before for her real birthday. But this could be done spending about 3 for cake mix and frosting etc.

Drinks -coffee, frozen lemonade for pitcher and one bottle ($1) of orange soda.

Our intention was to hand out bubbles on the way out but forgot...party was over before 5 and kids had fun and it was organized and quick.

I used to get excited when I would spend $150 only on a party in NYC or $10 each kids at a play place...I really prefer the at home parties ..they are more personal and the kids aren't as stressed. I also recommend keeping young children's parties on the smaller side. My older kids have always freaked out when they were little at their parties. One year I had to hold Sam during her entire party because she was overwhelmed......

If you use your own China or plates and linens, recycle stuff for party favors, use evite invitations, and bake from a box and use frozen lemonade the party is $9 if you throw in two bags of noise makers (4 in a package from dollar tree)...

Back to Motherhood In Real Time...

Caught Up In The Rapture....

I loved this Anita Baker song in the 80's "Caught up in the Rapture." Mark and I used another Anita Baker song as our first dance "Sweet Love." This morning was the first day of the evil Wake county concept of 'track out'...this means that because my kids go to school 'year round', they also now are in that period where I get them to myself so I can go crazy for 3 weeks...because it is Christmas i will have them for almost 5 weeks....I woke up late this morning 8:00...woo hoo...sleeping in....and then got out of bed in my gorgeous flannel pajama pants and bundled in a very long and unattractive sleeping shirt with a long sleeved hooded pink sweatshirt with a coffee stain on it ( it was clean just stained)..I put on my furry slippers and reluctantly got out of bed knowing that in a mere few minutes the kids would be telling me they are bored because of track out....

So, I head into Ella and Grace's room. The day before I had been given a free King James version of the bible with a font size of about 3....This bible was not intended for anyone older than the age of 20. I mean when you reach 40 or so you start to realize what those cheap reading glasses are for...So, I cannot read this KJV bible but Andrew found it and was reading it as if it had a 22 font....He found the book of REVELATION. And since he enjoys Harry Potter, Sci Fi and any kind of books with scary things in it he has decided it is really interesting reading. So, I walk into the girls room. There is Andrew in the pink rocking chair with the girls around him as he reads the bible...I am stumbling around in my 'not tonight I have a headache" pajamas, and I am greeted with three little voices that say ..."MOM JESUS IS COMING." I say..."Huh???" Ella then says "I'm scared." Andrew looks up from the bible and says "is the church of Philadelphia in Pennsylvania?" I say "do you want waffles or a bagel?" Ella says "Is Jesus coming tomorrow?" I say "Is Daddy up?" Andrew says "Will our bones all go up to Heaven too? What about people who get cremated?" I am really wanting my coffee....Matea comes in and says "i don't want my bones to go to Heaven." Ella says "How do the bones get up there?" Grace says "It's magic" Andrew says..."Hey when they talk about Him coming through the clouds does it mean it will be on a rainy day....?" Then he says.."there are some creepy animals in the bible." "do you think he'll come during track out?" I am thinking "I hope so."

I finally dodge the bullet because I am not that well versed on Revelation because it totally scares me too. I love Pslams and Proverbs, Matthew and all the nice happy stuff...I finally am able to make the coffee. The army of intensely christian soldiers with the King James Version follows me....we all come downstairs....Grace is having ear surgery tomorrow (all please pray for healing..). She has to get a hole in her eardrum covered with skin graft. So, her greatest fear is not eating. She is pigging out tonight because as of 12 she can't eat anymore and has surgery at 9:30 tomorrow. So Andrew is still reading KJV of the bible and then Grace says..."Hey my mom say when we were hungry in Africa if you read bible you no longer hungry." I thought this was so sweet because many people currently are struggling to find food over in Ethiopia. So, Grace says tomorrow I read bible ...no eat...I say that is a good idea and start to hum "oh oh oh caught up in the rapture of love" as I pour myself some coffee in my unsexy but warm get up.

"I'm a mess...SQUEAK SQUEAK!"

Oh the joys of the holidays....TWO CHRISTMAS PROGRAMS today....First I have to say that our 6 kids scheduling has totally gone awry....two days ago Jared came home from school and said "Mom...all moms and dads come to class...you no there." OH NO...It totally didn't make the calendar...so there was one that 'jumped the shark.' Then I get a call from SAM on her lunch hour..."MOM you have to call about my graduation pic or I won't get in the yearbook." Almost missed that one too....but salvaged a potentially serious parental gafe....then as I am driving around after an errand I hear a horn beep and look in my rearview mirror..it is Monica from down the street. I missed the deadline for Andrew's teacher's $10 christmas gift contribution. Monica was coming to collect. Luckily at the bottom of my purse was an envelope that had stayed there for two weeks that had Monica's name on it....I had to pull out 3 MacDonalds toys, a camera, tissue, brush, maxi pad and church bulletin to find it...I pulled off the lint and hand ironed the envelope and gave it to her....I made it this morning to Matea's christmas show...her reindeer head band ears kept falling down as she sang Rudolf biting her nails and with her glasses at the edge of her nose....Sitting next to me were first time parents...their daughter had manicured red and white fingernails, hair with a white bow, black mary janes and a perfect red velvet christmas dress...She waved to her family...Matea was too focused with her wilting reindeer ears in her pink christmas dress and wildly messy hair. We had a quick pizza for dinner and then we had to go to Ella's performance of "THE MITTEN" (we were supposed to donate a pair of mittens...I hadn't read the fine print) without Mark and Samantha. THis meant it was me, 5 kids and a sea of 400 other children...try to find your super hero wanna be boy in the crowd...not easy. So, we go to the concert...I have lost Jared again...put all the kids in a designated spot while everyone wants to hold court with me as my eyes cross in a million directions looking for Jared Super boy who is more like FLASH from the incredibles (ethiopian children are extremely fast)...finally I see a teacher who knows all the runaways are mine...she has Jared on her hand and brings him to me...another father is embarrassed because he assumed the African American person next to me was the parent of my other runaway child....So, then we go to hear Ella sing...Ella sings "I'm a mess squeak squeak...I'm a mess squeak squeak." Grace agrees that she is a mess because Grace is like Felix and Ella is like Oscar and they share a room..I tried all week to teach Ella to sing the word MOWWWSSsss..instead of mess...we would practice ..I would sing "I'm a mouse squeak squeak." She would sing..."I'm a mess squeak squeak...." I just decided to let her sing the 'mess' song instead..the truth is that I was really the mess."SqUeAK SQUeAK""

Advanced MULTI TASKING!

Honestly I usually don't think about all that I am doing but I had to laugh today when I had a minute to look back on how the day progressed:

wake up..make 4 lunches, 5 breakfasts, get the kids dressed and to school, come upstairs wake up baby, clean a load of laundry, bathe baby and shower simultaneously while watching 3 year old through glass shower, Dress 3 year old, scramble eggs and bacon for baby..it is now 9:30. Go to downstairs office while putting toddler in front of TV. Talk to NY client on phone...email contract, talk to another NY client, put press kit together , send 3 emails, make travel arrangements for 15 people to florida in Feb...send invoice to client, create holiday cards for family as well as New Year's card for band. Talk to someone online about Prolife issues....Edit book...simultaneously become inspired to write a christmas song called "Not so Very Merry Christmas" while going to target to buy vitamins, salsa, apples...feed daughter lunch. Get laundry out of machine put into the dryer,,,,put away dishes....send fedex to client. Pick up kids from bus stop, do homework, make dinner, talk to doctor for kids appointments, put basketball uniforms on two kids...clean spilled milk, do dishes, put one of the kids in the corner...answer email and voice mail...complete bible study due tomorrow...get kid out of corner, separate 2 other kids, put kids in bath...look through their folders...blog...order yearbook for oldest daughter....put clean sheets on bed ...put new table cloth on table....negotiate TV time with teenager.....put kids to bed....CRASH.....

B-I-N-G-O!

We had a jam session during clean up on Thanksgiving. Ella played a few solos on the piano and then we had my brother in law play the sax, Mark on piano, my sisters playing and singing. It was great. At one point Ella was on my lap and started crying. The more I get to know her the more joy I feel in my heart. She is so delightful and naturally funny that I can't seem to get enough of her. So she is really crying and turns to me and says..."My mom tell me before she die...never ever forget this song." I say "what song?" She says "Bingo was his name O"..I said "Really?" she is still crying and cuddling with me...She said "Yes, she say ..it is my favorite song." I want to never forget it...and then Grace came by and smacked her on the head and said "No she didn't ..you lie." And then Ella smacked her back and kicked her and I will never know if their mother really did love BINGO as her favorite song.....

The $6.23 twenty one pound turkey!

I was so excited when our local Harris Teeter grocery store sent out an email notice that for 3 days they were selling their turkey's for .29cents a pound. So I ran to the store and grabbed a 21 pounder. We were having 15 adults and 6 kids. So, since it was frozen solid..I mean really frozen I had to spend practically a week greeting the turkey about 3 times a day in the fridge to poke at it to see if it was defrosted. After 5 days it was still frozen so I tackled the defrosting task with the cold water method and then put it back in the fridge until the following day...I cooked it via a method I learned a few years ago. ...I steamed it in a foiled tent with a little bit of water on the bottom of the pan. I also cooked it breast down...Well I have to say that I was so proud when my brother in law went to carve the turkey and couldn't stop repeating..."This is unbelievable. The turkey is so tender it is falling off of the bone." So, the investment was worth it to say the least. AND then it was the turkey that kept on giving. We had left overs two days in a row and I made pasta with the turkey meat last night and will still have enough for sandwiches. My kids wanted to know why we have thanksgiving...they also all asked me why everyone had to leave. My mother was here for several days and two of my sisters came. My 6 year old nephew was here too...we really enjoyed eachother. THe children love having a full house. Today Ella seemed a little sad because everyone was gone. Yesterday afternoon Jared took a 3 hour nap. He had played with Dominick (superheros) non stop. Last year at this time I was in tears because I found out that our adoption case was kicked out of court for the 4th time. This year we are so grateful to have our family in tact and to be able to watch as the kids learn how to bake pies, make gravy, mash potatoes and eat until you have to unfasten your pants. We are so thankful for our family and friends and pray for those waiting to bring their children home!!!!

I LOST MY NOISE!

Everyday is so entertaining with my family....So the kids love playing this game they call the QUIET GAME...Mark and I love it too because we get some peace then. So, almost every night at dinner they want to play. After the first time we said 'no' because someone would cry or have a tantrum when they lost which defeated the whole purpose for the quiet game....But recently we have been playing again..The winner usually gets to stay up 10 extra minutes and maybe gets an extra piece of Halloween candy. (BTW...my method is to immediately take the candy put it in baggies, label them and put them in a basket really high...everyday if they are good they get one piece, while at school I take out numerous pieces and redistribute it (no obama jokes okay..ha) to another baggie and use it as the filler in the christmas stockings)...SO..back to the quiet game. Last night Jared and Grace were the winners. They were quiet for 2 hours. Ethiopian children can be so deadpan forever..i know it isn't just my kids because I have seen it with grown Ethiopian friends of mine...Anyhow, it got to the point where I gave both of them an extra 10 minutes for winning. SO, i know Jared can be quiet for 2 whole hours. Samantha on the other hand was the type of child that we were really worried about. She could not keep her mouth shut for anything. One time Mark and I looked at eachother and we both said "if she was kidnapped and the guy said 'stay quiet or you die' she would still not be able to be quiet"

At school there is the dreaded YELLOW PAPER..You get a YELLOW PAPER sent home if you are bad. Today Jared got the YELLOW PAPER from the music teacher. He has music for 25 minutes a week. The note said "Jared couldn't be quiet for even 3 minutes." Jared was punished and not allowed his one piece of candy and then sat quiet because of his anger for 50 minutes....This just boggles my mind. I am tempted to tell the music teacher to tell Jared she would like to play the quiet game in class....instead he can't stay quiet for 5 minutes in class but he has the ability to win the quiet game and be in silence for 2 hours at home with the reward being just 10 extra minutes awake....

Along the same lines we have had minor colds running from kid to kid..Nothing major..but today Ella woke up and with a hoarse voice said "I LOST MY NOISE"....I kept saying "Your voice?" She yelled hoarse "NO MOM..I LOST MY NOISE." I thought her sentence was appropriate and laughed when she said it....after a few times trying to say ""VA VA VOY SSSSSS" She once again said "NO MOM...MY NOISE...I LOST MY NOISE." Sometimes it is really nice when they lose their noise.....

My Little Oranges!

Amazing Night! I am so sorry that I am faltering on my blogging. I have been in NYC for almost a whole week. So, I may have mentioned before about a vision I had while in the process of adopting but I have to repeat it because tonight I received unbelievable confirmation from Grace.

Prior to the referral of our Ethiopian children I had been deep in prayer one day.... I prayed and prayed and in the middle of the day saw a winter scene where everything was white. And then the next scene I was in a hospital where the white snow had turned to bright white lights and then the next thing I knew I saw these beautiful brown hands and a hand full or oranges. I really believed it was the mother of my kids handing me her children as offerings etc. I later learned that I had that vision right around the same time the kids were put into the orphanage. I also learned about a book called the PERFECT ORANGE where an ethiopian girl gives a perfect orange to the king. So I thought the story was over.....We adopted our three children and found out that their mother had passed away a few years prior...so I believed my interpretation of the vision with the mother offering her children to me and therefore in approval and acceptance was all i needed.....

TOnight (about a year and a half after the vision) I am speaking with my daughter Grace. She is helping me in the kitchen. We were talking about names. And then I said "did they call you Ejigay in Ethiopia?" She said "No mom we call each other silly names. I call my agoat (uncle) funny names...My mom always call me a name that everyone then call me all the time and we laugh...she call me ' bustacon' ...you know that mean ...ORANGE!" I said "orange like the color...?" She says "Mommy no...orange like the food"....I am standing in the fridge getting the milk and I literally had chills running all over myself...She said "Mom...all the time my mom call me bustacon and then everybody knows to call me bustacon..I like bustacon mommy..." Then Ella heard and said "sometimes mom call me bustacon too..." So I realize she knows more english now and is learning about prayer and Jesus...so I explain the vision and said...I knew that bustacon was important to her mom. I tell her about the vision..she says "How you see that?" I explain about prayer some more......and then later that night we read a book coincidentally about angels and the concept of Jesus allowing her mom to show me oranges..made her so happy and she had a smile on her face all night...we talked about angels all night....she went to bed saying "I love you so much..." I said "good night Bustacon"......

Jared is 6!

JARED's SUPER CHARMING.....




Today we had about 10 little kids over. They were mostly boys from his class with the exception of our girls and one adorable little SUPER GIRL named Sydney. I sched the party for 10:30-12. Jared was up at 6 really rowdy and loud. Everyone came to the party late..but by 11 they were all playing in their super hero costumes in our backyard with their foam swords..Jared had a blast. He was so happy. Mark and I were exhausted for the entire rest of the day. But it was very special....here are some pics....

I'm Charming! Happy Birthday Jared!

So Jared just turned 6 TODAY! He also just cracks me up. He has been dressing up with a foam sword and yelling "I'm Charming!" What he means to say is "I'm just like Prince Charming!" Matea will be dressed like a princess and he will put on his sword again and yell "I'm Charming!" He is extremely charming but it is just too funny. So , today we brought in cupcakes to his school. He was so thrilled and had to introduce Mark to everyone in his class. Tonight we had a real treat. The ZOE TEAM (Zimbabwe Orphan Endeavour mission team) decided to thank us by bringing a full meal to us. (Mark and I had performed for a concert for them). So tonight we had this incredible meal. The mission team is from the First United Methodist Church. From my experience the Methodists (my grandma Jones was methodist) make the best food ever. And there is always plenty of food. So we had chocolate cake and the most amazing oatmeal cookies ever for dessert.

I asked Grace if she remembered the day Jared was born. Ella said she was just a baby so she couldn't remember. Grace said that her mom had the baby at her grandma's house. And she remembers her grandma and mom arguing over whether it was going to be a girl or a boy. Her mom was sure it was going to be a boy. Her grandmother wanted another grandaughter. She said Jared had a party once in Ethiopia and was given a chicken toy for a present. We all laughed because we weren't sure what she meant by chicken toy....I also had made ginger tea when they were in school. They smelled it and then screeched just like it was Christmas and said "Ginjo Shy"...."Ginger Chai". Apparently they used to drink tea all the time over there...VERY VERY SWEET! So we will be making that again for them...Jared has a big birthday party on saturday where the kids will be dressed as super heroes or princesses..Jared is also the first child of mine to ever want a co-ed party. He has invited many girls.....so he really is CHARMING.....

Ella and Hair (the truth comes out)!

As many of you know sweet Ella (age 7) has made it clear that she is HAIR OBSESSED. One day I braided her hair and she was thrilled. She loves hair extensions. We have pretend hair in every color of the rainbow. Everyday she changes her hair three of four times...she also loves to wash it (too much) and place hair care products in her hair. She also has the most beautiful natural ringlets but has always expressed a hatred to the way her hair looks.

So we are sitting in the doctor's office today (the girls have to get their thyroid check). I am reading a magazine. Ella says to me (very matter of fact)." Mom ...one day I would sleep with my mom, the next day she get sick. The next day we all go and live with Grandma. We watch Mom die...yes Mom die. And then Grandma cut off all of our beautiful long hair because my mom die."

I literally had to suck in the tears because Ella was just stating a truth but to me it was the truth revealed. Her hair issues truly are connected to the loss of her mother and she is trying to revive her mother everytime she talks about adding extensions, looking beautiful and wanting to put on a wig...Of course having her hair cut as a result of her mom dying would bring grief and a focus on wanting her long hair back ...thus her mom back. The girls had always told me that they had beautiful long hair when they were little and then one day their grandmother cut their hair. I never questioned WHY...I thought it was just convenience. But their hair was cut as a sign to grieve and mourn their mother. Ella wants to know when her hair will be long again...or when things will be better to the point that the loss and wound would be healed...I just can't help but be sad about it ...still I am happy to know now WHY she loves to try to fix her hair....constantly....

Tracked out ...OHHHH NOOOO!

So we live in NC where this evil thing called year round school has been implemented. My kids have been in school since July6 with the exception of Samantha who just started her senior year in High School...She is on a standard schedule. And the baby Matea just started her 3 morning pre school on the first monday of track out for the other 4. Year round means they go 9 weeks and then three weeks off. The three weeks always come as a surprise. AND MY HOUSE IS INSANE AND MESSY AND I HAVE NO PEACE....There is literally a constant loop and echo of 'mommy mommy mommy mommy..." But i am also having a blast with them. Everyday the kids cannot believe they have 3 weeks off..they say "mom how many days left"...yesterday with coffee in my hand and dread in hearing the number '21'...today "mom no school today." I say "No honey just 20 more days until school again.." YIKES! Some of you have been reading my blog for awhile and remember when we went to myrtle beach for two days too many. Well we are attempting the visit again. In July we got a call from someone offering a great deal at the marriott for 3 nights and 4 days in a two bedroom condo next week. Of course it didn't dawn on us until last week that it is hurricane season. SO we will hope for good weather..no hurricanes and hoping too for understanding condo neighbors when we get there.

Ella is obsessed with fake hair. We have purchased every children's play wigs and comb extensions and I find fake hair (orange, purple, hot pink and yellow) everywhere. I was talking with one of the repair man in our foyer and she walks up and hands me this huge wad of black hair (looks like hers but it is fake)...the guy sort of looked at me and I had to explain. She also found a waterproof red marker that she enjoyed using as lipstick. She wanted to practice kissing the pink basketball she has....

All the kids took chalk to outline the layout of their dream homes on the driveway. Andrew has a weight room, ball park, basketball and viewing room and no kitchen and bathroom...just like a boy. We have what I thought were plants growing taller than me which ends up being weeds (looked like small trees to me)....But Mark and I both expect the other person to go out and pick the weeds. We still have not established who's department that is. We have division of labor for everything else ie he takes out the garbage (actually Andrew does now), I do dishes and grocery shopping....he is the one to take care or talking to any govt office...dmv, irs, insurance...I lose patience and start screaming at them. But I am great with social stuff...parties etc. Still the gardening thing is gray area and so the guy across the street whose yard looks like astro turf and the botanical gardens must love the various nuclear plant weeds and the blue, yellow and pink chalk markings on the driveway along with the inflatable beach ball that floats over to his yard everytime the wind blows....along with the plastic icey packaging that the kids threw on the ground.....Well looks like I can start counting down from '19' days tomorrow...whoo hoo...before I know it school will start again..

I miss my COW! WAAAA!

So, saturday night it rained and thundered etc. All of the power went out which meant we had a spontaneous slumber party in my room. Prior to that Ella was mad that I made her go into her room because she threw all of the clean laundry (two loads) into a pile with dirty clothes..that is how they cleaned their room..picked up the clean clothes and rather than putting it in the drawers threw it back in the laundry room. So, she was in trouble. Then I hear screaming from their bedroom. I run in and the window is open. Grace had stopped Ella from trying to jump out the 2nd floor to run away. When i opened the door and saw what Ella was doing I put her in a corner and slapped her hands. This upset her and she ran out the front door into the lightning. Mark ran out to get her while Grace started crying telling me that she promised her grandma she would take care of her forever. I told her that Mark would get her. Mark carried Ella (both of them were wet) back into the house. Ella said 'mommy no like me make me go bed early." Again I tried to explain that i love her so much and in families we learn the rules and the parents can discipline. I started to feel regret for slapping her hands. Then Grace said to me "Mom, my grandma and mom would slap Ella's hands too when she run away in Ethiopia." I said "She would run away in Ethiopia?" I thought she was running because of being in America/adopted etc. Apparently Ella is very dramatic and has been doing this since she has been 3. Grace said 'yes she run away to her friend house to watch TV out window. My grandma find her and slap her on hands, butt, face." They both started laughing hysterically as Grace was telling the story. Then lightning cracks and flashes, all the power goes out and Grace becomes inconsolably freaked out in the fetal position under a quilt in my bedroom. After 20 minutes of sobbing and terror she comes out from the covers...now it is pitch black with the exception of light from my iphone and andrew's ipod (we don't use flash lights or candles just mac products..ha). When Grace comes out of the covers she starts telling me of a story her mom told her from some kind of Ethiopian Orthodox beliefs of how the demons come out when it is dark and storming because God is not happy and she thought she saw one with black cape and red eyes in her memory. The minute I say the word "JESUS" she is calm and the atmosphere changes in the entire room. Then I continue to pray and say how we are protected etc. All changed. We stayed in the bedroom and that night there were children strewn out all over our room. Around midnight the power came back on..I was asleep by then. Today, Grace was very sad again wanting a picture of her mother..(everyone please please please pray for this to happen...this is really important to them and apparently a point of stress for them). So she is crying and then tells me "I MISS MY COW." I said "Your cow?" She said "MY COW." Tears streaming from her cheeks. And then she says its name was "SHABIRR"(my spelling)...She says "and shabirr black and white and I walk everyday all day with my cow and she give me milk and she have baby." I said "our friends have cows we can go see them." She cries..."I miss my cow..." She had been holding this cow grief in I guess for sometime because after she chatted about it and I did the mom thing saying "i'm sorry honey about your cow" nodding and acting completely understanding..she then finally was her old self and was hungry and came to the kitchen......Who knew a COW could cause so much grief?

In search of Bayoush.....

I am in NY today. Last week we celebrated Ella's seventh birthday. We had about 6 little girls over and a handful of friends. Ella was very happy and seemed to enjoy having alot of attention. I wasn't able this time to give her the gift she really wanted. After her party she told me she was very happy and then later she cried. She said "why no picture of my mom?" She really is longing to remember what her mom looks like and I have to figure out if I can get an ethiopian volunteer to trek through ethiopia with a camera to find her grandmother and photograph pictures of Bayoush (our kids mother). Please pray that we can make this happen somehow. I may send a video camera too so we can see her grandmothers house and the process of getting the pics...pray we can make this happen....I already showed Ella where her photos would go....

Calling...

What does it mean to have a calling? What is a calling? I remember hearing my friends talk about "having a burden". I really could only relate in the sense that I believed my calling was to music and performance. But I know I was always also called to be a mother. The 'calling" is a total passion and consuming burden that wakes you up at night that reveals itself back to you throughout the day and seldom leaves you alone. I remember the peace only came after my children were birthed and born through me. But the 'peace' was only temporary. Then an unexpected 'burden' was placed on my heart for the children with no one in this world. It also seemed that the more I prayed and longed for a closeness with God the louder the calling became. Eventually, I couldn't avoid it and felt a sense of peace when we adopted Matea from Guatemala. Then the 'burden' for Africa almost became unbearable. I remember spending hours in deep thought wondering how if everyone from the westernized world had just sacrificed one thing then maybe another mother wouldn't have to die because she would get medical care or a mosquito net to help her to not get malaria. My 'burden' bordered on obsession. I would spend hours and moments walking through my daily life with a consuming fire in my belly to fix the wrongs when it came to children with no Mothers. I do remember feeling a huge sense of relief when we decided to adopt our three children from Ethiopia. There is something so satisfying and joyous about following through with something that voice inside of us is encouraging us to do. I believe God is beckoning us to help Him to fulfill His desire to have the children of the world cared for and loved. But what I also believe that there are many people that hear the voice and reason it away with worldly logic....'what about college', 'I am not really hearing from God it is just my own wistful desires," "this will ruin our family dynamic.' Adoption truly is a calling. And I know God isn't calling everyone to adopt but He does make it clear that all of us are called to care for the orphans and widows (James 1;27). If we pray and close our eyes and really listen God will give direction. Sometimes we have to pray incessantly and wait awhile but He will call and He will answer. But we have to be willing to follow Him. We also have to be bold and have the faith when there is no proof from the physical world that He will see our 'calling' realized. He may be calling for a job change, a mission trip, a move or adoption. In facing God's calling many times we have to face so many of our own fears. I remember wondering about my kids as I waited for them to come home. I can say the reality is so much better than my fantasies. It is also harder. It is also more fulfilling. It is also sadder when face to face with their grief. But life is richer and deeper and there is a peace amidst the chaos that lets me know that regardless of the noise level, spilled milk, fighting kids and lack of sleep I will always be comforted in knowing that I listened this one time when God asked me to take a step for Him. I have been deaf to His calls so many times and maybe again in the future, but in stepping into His plans there is a blessed comfort that I will never be able to articulate properly....

Waiting Parents!

Some of my friends waiting for their new adopted kids in Ethiopia received bad news today. The Ethiopian courts close from August to October every year. This is due to constant rain. Recently it has taken a few trips to court to pass. For us it was 5 times and it was gruelling. But we had our referral in July 17th and didn't get submitted to Court until 10/5 finally passing in mid december and traveling at the end of January. But my friends Stacy and John in Rockford are waiting for the arrival of 4 gorgeous children in Addis. The kids have been in the orphanage for a couple of years or more. The paper work was submitted once and kicked out and then submitted again and was missing a document. Now they have to wait until October to be submitted again. So, we need to pray for them and the kids. Waiting for your adopted kids is brutally painful...but I just want to send out some love and words of encouragement to my friends. I know you feel helpless and feel as if the kids will never arrive but God's timing is perfect. It is hard to believe but they will come in the right season, right moment and right second....I remember being so angry when they told me about missing documents, missing signatures etc because you think the paperwork would be carefully looked at but it isn't always that way in 3rd world countries. Anyhow I wanted to repost a post I had up last december. This was right before our 5th time to court. I was physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted and had come to a point of yielding to God believing that as much as I wanted these children to be officially mine I knew they were HIS and had to even be willing to believe that if they didn't come to me God would watch over them...hard to take but it was where I was at.

After the 4th time to court I was learning and practicing how to NOT panic. I decided to train myself not to go to the ‘worst case scenario’ place. And I just really had no other choice. But then just two days before the court date we received an email from the director that sounded discouraging. It said that they were not able to locate the brothers of my kids (this was discovered after our 4th time at court and courts insisted they be sponsored and had to show up to sign something...they ended up being unavailable for adoption living with grandmom) and therefore it was quite possible that we would not pass court on our 5th time. They would have the attorney bring the paperwork proving sponsorship but couldn’t guarantee anything.

I asked all of my family to pray. I had an urgency in my heart. I totally felt as if I was fighting for the lives of these children. The eve before the court date I posted this on my blog:

As I type this is it 4am in Addis. In a few hours a judge will be getting up, having his coffee, reading the paper and then setting off to court. This will be business as usual to him but to our three kids whose fate he holds in his hands it could mean a major life change for the better. Our kids won't know that this is going on. They will be in their classes at Layla House and playing jump rope at break time. All I can say is that by the time we all wake up (and some of you read this) another court date will go by and we will either have passed or have to endure another upcoming date probably 3 weeks into the distance.

I have learned a lot about myself through this journey. I always liked to think of myself as someone who had a lot of faith in God. But I have learned that I don't have nearly enough. I have learned how to force myself not to panic. I have learned to WAIT for God's will to be done even when I feel the need and desire to have the goal accomplished immediately. I have come to realize that even though our three children will be adopted there will be millions of kids in Ethiopia that will still be waiting and may live out their entire lives (probably shortened lives) without parents to tuck them in at night, correct them, hug them, tickle them.

I have spent weeks pleading with God and begging Him in desperation to bring our kids home. But my prayer tonight is different:

"Thank you God for this amazing life. Thank you for this incredible experience. Thank you for the lessons learned. Lord forgive me for having pride in believing I was stronger than I was. Forgive me for forgetting who was in control. Forgive me for believing in what the world was showing me and not holding on to what you had been showing me all along. I have spent many Christmas' asking you for things. I have spent many years asking you to fulfill my desires of worldly success. Lord I bow before you and come to you to ask you to forgive me and allow us to serve You. Allow us to minister to the call that is the closest to your heart, the call to take care of your orphaned children. Mostly Lord with our hands raised high volunteering for this blessed calling we pray that You will truly choose us. In return, we offer our home, our hope, our hearts, love, laughter, family, friends and all we know of YOU to these children (Grace, Ella and Jared). Through You all things are possible. We pray that the Holy Spirit will move the judge tomorrow to knowing that these children have an appointment with God that begins with his “YES” to our case. Mostly Lord we vow to praise You, Love You and honor You regardless of what happens tomorrow. May Your Glorious, all Powerful, Righteous Will be Done! In Jesus name...AMEN!"

The next morning we woke up to an email letting us know that we had passed court and the children were finally ours.

So we had felt like the struggle was over but soon we would know that even though we had won the big battle and the kids were officially ours there would still be another battle to face before the war would be over. We were told we could travel to pick up our children for a January 16th VISA date. This means that we go to the US Embassy with the kids with their passports and get approved for the Visa to bring them permanently into the US. We made flight arrangement. We stayed on the phone for hours trying to figure out a way to use our travel points for hotels. We arranged for my mother and sister to come to babysit. My mother would fly from Chicago. My sister would drive 6 hours with her 5 year old son and spend a week. We collected letters to be delivered to other families. We arranged for people to take care of business. We bought groceries, typed up contact info and arranged for our neighbor to pick up my mom from the airport. And then one and a half days before we are to leave we receive a call from the agency to let us know that we cannot travel afterall. I think my heart sank so deep, I then panicked about money (how were we to pay for two trips if things are non refundable-they were refundable) and then I cried. I cried mostly at the thought that our kids had now been in the orphanage for 13 months and had been orphaned for 4 years. I was sure that they had lost hope, would be devastated etc. After that crying spell I stayed silent for the entire next two days. I wouldn’t talk to my friends or family. It would appear that the Women’s Affair department was understaffed and didn’t happen to have any one in the office during the week that our children’s passports were to be signed. One encouraging adoptive mother wrote me a letter to tell me of the year they were adopting and their case was delayed for weeks because of the fact that the office had run out of manila folders.

So, next plan and new travel date meant we would be traveling on 1/27th. I prepared a note to give to a traveling mother. In it I asked her to encourage my children. I envisioned her greeting my children and pulling their distraught little spirits aside and explaining we would be here soon but to hold on to hope etc. I knew in my heart that my children would be super anxious and depressed over this news. I was happy that my new online friend would be a welcomed shoulder for them to cry on. But before my friend traveled and before I could get her the letters that would offer even more comforting, I received about 15 letters all in Amharic from our kids. Our children wrote to each sibling. The only English phrase on the papers was “I love you more than you love me”. To me, that meant “you must not love me as much as I love you because you are not here yet.” But in reality once the letters were translated I would receive encouraging notes from my children that said “Mom don’t worry. We are fine. We know you will come when it is God’s time.” And “Oh don’t worry about the holidays. We will have plenty of holidays together in the future.” I just couldn’t believe these letters. I quickly changed plans for my visiting friend and said “uh never mind”. I then sent a funny letter, stickers and cards to the kids instead. It amazed me but also made so much sense to me that these 8, 6, and 4 year old children, who have waited in an orphanage for so long, have more composure, faith and poise than their much older mother. But now that I think about it these children have only had God to rely on and have seen Him move repeatedly in their lives.

It amazes me that many of us can have so much composure under the most stressful situations in every other area of our lives. Many adoptive parents have been in the board room with some very shrewd negotiators and held their own. But for some reason being a ‘waiting parent’ can turn the most experienced litigator, stock broker, politician into mush. It is easier to wait on a multi million dollar account than it is to ‘wait’ out the arrival of your 22 month old new daughter in China. Maybe it is the feeling of not being in control of the situation. If we are good students though we will learn. I learned that there are times when I have to fight every natural instinct to try to push to move things along (just like birth). I have learned to force myself to get out of the way of God and just allow Him to be who He is and take control. I have learned that DOUBT is a joy stealer. I have learned that fear comes from a lack of faith. And I have learned that no matter how much I plead, beg, shake my fist, God will firmly stay true to waiting for HIS perfect time, not mine.

And when we finally laid eyes on our adoption papers we would see that the official completion of the adoption was December 25, 2007. God blessed us with the sweetest Christmas gift ever.