Calling...

What does it mean to have a calling? What is a calling? I remember hearing my friends talk about "having a burden". I really could only relate in the sense that I believed my calling was to music and performance. But I know I was always also called to be a mother. The 'calling" is a total passion and consuming burden that wakes you up at night that reveals itself back to you throughout the day and seldom leaves you alone. I remember the peace only came after my children were birthed and born through me. But the 'peace' was only temporary. Then an unexpected 'burden' was placed on my heart for the children with no one in this world. It also seemed that the more I prayed and longed for a closeness with God the louder the calling became. Eventually, I couldn't avoid it and felt a sense of peace when we adopted Matea from Guatemala. Then the 'burden' for Africa almost became unbearable. I remember spending hours in deep thought wondering how if everyone from the westernized world had just sacrificed one thing then maybe another mother wouldn't have to die because she would get medical care or a mosquito net to help her to not get malaria. My 'burden' bordered on obsession. I would spend hours and moments walking through my daily life with a consuming fire in my belly to fix the wrongs when it came to children with no Mothers. I do remember feeling a huge sense of relief when we decided to adopt our three children from Ethiopia. There is something so satisfying and joyous about following through with something that voice inside of us is encouraging us to do. I believe God is beckoning us to help Him to fulfill His desire to have the children of the world cared for and loved. But what I also believe that there are many people that hear the voice and reason it away with worldly logic....'what about college', 'I am not really hearing from God it is just my own wistful desires," "this will ruin our family dynamic.' Adoption truly is a calling. And I know God isn't calling everyone to adopt but He does make it clear that all of us are called to care for the orphans and widows (James 1;27). If we pray and close our eyes and really listen God will give direction. Sometimes we have to pray incessantly and wait awhile but He will call and He will answer. But we have to be willing to follow Him. We also have to be bold and have the faith when there is no proof from the physical world that He will see our 'calling' realized. He may be calling for a job change, a mission trip, a move or adoption. In facing God's calling many times we have to face so many of our own fears. I remember wondering about my kids as I waited for them to come home. I can say the reality is so much better than my fantasies. It is also harder. It is also more fulfilling. It is also sadder when face to face with their grief. But life is richer and deeper and there is a peace amidst the chaos that lets me know that regardless of the noise level, spilled milk, fighting kids and lack of sleep I will always be comforted in knowing that I listened this one time when God asked me to take a step for Him. I have been deaf to His calls so many times and maybe again in the future, but in stepping into His plans there is a blessed comfort that I will never be able to articulate properly....