It was July 26th 1991. I spent my whole pregnancy shocked and thrilled to find out I was pregnant. I believed I would never get pregnant because I had an abortion 10 years prior and it had taken a long time to climb out of my depression and sadness from the experience. I was also still believing in a God that would punish me and just 'even out the score'...from my tragic decision. So, while I spent the time thrilled and in awe..I also was suspiciously watching and waiting for my punishment. I didn't really understand or believe in the concept of restoration, unconditional forgiveness and the type of healing that gives you a new life, new heart and hope. So, with each Doctor's appointment i would find myself in joyous tears and afraid of God's deserving wrath. I also was madly in love with "SAM". We didn't know if our baby was a boy or a girl. So, I would talk to her. I connected to her...I was madly madly in love with her/or him (oh I already said that)...
On July 21st I had false labor. Went in to the hospital. They made me go home. It was my due date. July 24th I was in Labor..On July 25th I went in around 11pm...I had been in labor for about 16 hours. It stopped when I went into the hospital but they let me stay. Labor wasn't progressing and the doctor who wanted to go home and pack for his trip to Israel the next day...didn't like that labor wasn't progressing. I didn't want an epidural. That made him mad. I got the epidural eventually after he broke my water. He wanted to give me a csection. I didn't want it. We waited and waited..I pushed for three hours..and then a new doctor came in and I had a fever. They said if it didn't go down I wouldn't see my baby for a day or two...THIS WAS IT...I said to myself..."God is going to take my baby once I deliver her/him! Or I will die...I should die for what I did." I prayed "forgive me Lord..Please show your mercy""" About an hour later...the fever broke..the new doctor was sweet...looked at me , touched me, made me cry and said looking lovingly in my eyes..."It's time to meet your baby." And then we all agreed to a csection after 36 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing....They rolled me into the operating room..the energy was upbeat and positive eventhough the meds had worn off and I screamed GIVE ME THE DRUGS....because of the pain..."Unforgettable" was playing...the funny Jewish anesthesiologist said.."I will make you feel great just hold still"..He made jokes...and they made Mark sit down because he wanted to watch the csection...I felt a 'losing my breath" sensation/pressure...I heard this suctioning sound that made me cringe because of a bad memory 10 years prior and then I heard the baby cry....THey said "you have a daughter." I really lost my breath and started to cry....I knew in my heart my baby was a girl (AUBREY) that I had aborted years prior. I had been sure God wouldn't bless me with a girl even if i had the good fortune of being pregnant....They laid her on my chest and I knew that in a second I was born again, renewed, forever changed and eternally grateful. And I knew that GOD WAS GOOD!
18 years later and I watch as my son by birth and 3 additional daughters through adoption and gorgeous ethiopian son, eat ice cream cake with the daughter I never thought I would have. I stand in awe watching how God exceeded my dreams and expectations in this awesome family......AMEN!
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