BEING A MOTHER My Ultimate Reward!

I have spent the day doing the happy dance because I am in shock that my book is an Amazon best seller at #1 in Adoption and vascillating between 3-5 on the Women's Issues/Christian category(right under my heroes Beth Moore and Stasi/John Eldredge) and between 6-8 on the Motivational chart (under a book I read a million times YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE by Louise Hay).  It has been a blessed time and I am humbled and honestly surprised.

Years ago when I nervously chased fame believing that was the prize I was running after (burying my first dream of wanting to be a mother), I would fantasize about winning the Grammy or Oscar. I imagined how incredible that would be, how rich I would be...I spent years praying to God to somehow make me famous because I wanted it to happen so I could make enough money to have a family, house etc. I was confused.  I cried when I would not see the success I was working toward.  Then later my band developed an excellent reputation in NY and we were able to basically climb the ladder of success as a band to the stars...But I remember sitting on a stage with MY band and my company surrounded by Hollywood elite at a million dollar wedding saying to myself "SO WHAT! If this is it..it is empty!"  Then when I saw Samantha for the first time i about melted with joy. I lost my breath when Andrew was born in disbelief at the pride I felt as a mother of a son. When I saw Matea at 5 months old in Guatemala for the first time I felt like I was literally looking at a cherub that God had dressed all in white to present to me....awesome! My three Ethiopian children all filled me with awe at their constant poise in the midst of loss and grief.  My bliss was found and always has been in quality human relationships. The best being the children that just long to be loved. In extending myself beyond my comfort zone and in stretching more and more in the area of Faith...each time I watch as GOD SHOWS UP....My family is the reward.Making it to where I am today with a dirty brownie pan in the sink and a pile of laundry along side the play room that needs to be picked up is my bliss and more beautiful to me then the 15 thousand dollar cake at the wedding of the stars..

Still, God gives me a little reward in the form of a credential as a number one best seller at Amazon. I don't want to miss the miracle but I don't want to ignore the source either..God's plans have always been better than mine. And it took a fatal mistake in my life to realize that. But I will plan as best as I can and then feel the joy in the twists and turns He takes me on like some super natural joyous tilt a whirl ride at the sweetest Heavenly carnival ever....Praise You Lord..Jesus take the wheel...and I will try to have the heart of a child...trusting You and laughing with a grateful Spirit that You are on Your throne and I get to hang out at Your feet....