This was a tough week. The kids are in their second week of school and the first week for Jared in Kindergarten. He was great the first few days but wanted to stay home for a few days...I had to bribe him with bubble gum to get him on the bus..It worked. Ella was very stressed this week but i learned how to speak her love language. Anytime she would dysregulate I would say the word "Princess"...I would either tell a story or read a book. Grace punched Andrew and then had to go to bed early. This made her start rambling and describing her life in Ethiopia to be idyllic. Her house was big, no rules, no bed time, lots of food, no homework and she describes her bathroom to be the size of a ny apartment. She liked it better because she never got in trouble...blah blah....Tonight was decent because they didn't have homework. So they were happy. The irony is that with all of this nostalgia over Ethiopia they are reluctant to go to an Ethiopian restaurant. Somehow, this also makes them nervous. We are signed onto a forum with suggestions on how to parent these situations...Just keep us in your prayers.
Blessings,
Deanna
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2 comments:
Deanna,
(This is long, but if it makes sense to you, could help all 6 kids to understand how LIFE works ... You may even want to copy and paste this into a new piece of paper and read that way ... grab your cup of coffee and let me know if you have any questions ... I'm probably breaking some kinda blog posting rule with such a loooOOng post)
I have read many blogs about the kids NOT wanting to go to an Ethiopian restaurant. It's interesting isn't it? There is a subconscious fear when they are around other Ethiopian people that they may go back to their old life and ET restaurants are too close to home for them. Because their life changed in a matter minutes when you picked them up for the first time, they may feel at the restaurant that it may change again. The uncertainty has to be scary for a little child. And they don't want that. Ella said that her life was better back in ET and she liked it because she didn't get in trouble there...that would make sense. As she is still in fact transitioning to this new and complicated life, she's realizing that it's wonderful here, but hard to have such consequences. Totally understandable. As I follow your blog, I am still amazed at the patience and love that God has provided for you Deanna. It brings me to tears what you are doing and going thru ... happy tears from Mother to Mother.
There is a game that we played as a family that helped the kids put our "rules" into perspective. It is a fun game for the whole family to play and it teaches an understanding of how life works. We teach our children that when you choose what you do, you choose the consequences. When Ella was in ET, if she chose not to help Mother out (I'm making this up) or a family member out with daily responsibilities then the family suffers the consequences and everyone pays. It is the same here. Show her and the entire family the list below of important principles to live by. We, as a family unit, have come up with 30 Family Principles to live by and when the kids break them, we have them refer to that principle and perhaps write that one out from 20 to 100 times. They hate it, but they will never forget these principles. They've actually learned them by heart!
I hope you're still reading????? You may already have Principles going on in your family, but I've found that most people don't.
The idea behind the following game is that children think we as parents place SO MANY RULES upon them. But in reality, all of these rules actually fall into only a few life Principles (see our principle list below). Think of all the rules that can all apply under the Principle of RESPECT OTHERS AS I WISH TO BE RESPECTED ... there are hundreds.
Here is the family fun night game that my husband came up with to play with our 2 growing boys...You write out or type out 4 of the Family Principles (listed below) print and cut them out so each sentence is on it's own piece of paper. He put out 4 chairs and taped one principle to the top of each chair (only using 4 of the 30 principles that we have) ...
First chair: Work First, Play Later. Second Chair: When I am polite and respectful, I am powerful. Third chair: Obey and Honor my Parents and anyone they put in charge of me. Fourth Chair: It’s important to me that my life is pleasing to God.
Then you type, print and cut out lots of situations that fall under each of these principles, like; Hitting your sibling, disobeying what Mom just told you to do, calling someone a bad name, thinking bad thoughts about someone, not doing your chores, playing outside before completing your morning stuff, using your manners everywhere, etc. Then ... One family member goes first, let's say Ella goes first and she picks up the first written rule, let's say you wrote "Hitting my sister". She looks at the Principles on each chair, chooses which one it belongs to, sits on the chair with rule in hand and she explains why she chose that Principle for the Rule she has in her hand. There lies the discussion for the whole family to hear.
If their English is limited, this is great opportunity for some great family time, patience from all, but a great learning experience for everyone.
After everyone understands how this Rule falls under this Principal, the next person goes, and so on. You can write out as many Rules as you like...from 10 to 40, it's up to you. Play this game often, it has so many ways to learn, talk, become closer and nip those little situations in the bud RIGHT AWAY. Then when they break a rule, you ask them ... "Gee, Ella, which of the Priniciples would THAT one fall under. Then they start putting together how LIFE works ... even when they grow up.
The following is a list of OUR family Principles. You may choose your own, or use these, but it may help as a guideline....
What are Principles?
Principles are rules or truths in which our world operates. They naturally produce results. If we live our lives in harmony with them, then we have a happy successful life. If not, we will get bad results.
Some are natural…we don’t water our plant, it dies. Some are artificial…we don’t finish our homework, we stay in for recess at school. As a child, Mom and Dad place artificial consequences on us. As we grow up the world places real consequences on us…if I turn up late for work, I’ll be fired. If I can’t manage my money, I’m in debt.
----------------------------
There are 5 categories and 30 Principles in all.
SELF DISCIPLINE
1. Work First, Play Later
2. Finish Everything
3. Admit before arguing
4. Don’t put it down, put it away
5. Want a Small Cleanup?…make a Small Mess
6. If I want Something to Change, I must Change Something
7. Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits
8. Ignore those who try to discourage you
9. When I am polite and respectful, I am powerful
10. Life is a series of onsequences and rewards of my own doing
INTEGRITY
11. Seek first to understand, then to be understood
12. Never lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal
13. Do the Right Thing
14. If doing the right thing means being alone, then I will walk alone
15. When I am humble, I am strong
RESPECT
16. Obey and Honor my Parents and anyone they put in charge of me
17. My words are powerful, therefore I think before I speak
18. Respect others as I respect myself
19. Keep your hands to yourself
20. Small People Belittle….Big People Encourage
FAITH
21. My faith sustains me when I feel like I can’t make it
22. It’s important to me that my life is pleasing to God
23. Knowing and loving God is the most important thing in life
24. I am a reflection of God’s love
25. It doesn’t matter if my good deeds are unseen
SUCCESS
26. The Secret to Success is Persistence and patience
27. Education is a privilege. I will enjoy school and learn the best I can.
28. My Attitude changes Everything
29. Take Pride in your Work
30. Quitters never Win and Winners never Quit
LooOOOng, but sent with love and prayers,
Lisa
www.my2ethiopiangirls.blogspot.com
Deanna,
Thank you for your encouragement. I hope the ideas help cause when I was writing that, I was thinking "This girl is going to think I'm outta my mind" ... I believe games and life lessons like that are so full of learning dynamics that there is something for everybody.
If you really liked the idea, I have more I can email you. I actually have the beginnings of a book (would be a dream to publish a book) that is chock full of 12 months worth of "Twelve months to Becoming a Stronger Family." Just say "the word" and I'll privately email that to you ... like you need it, I'm already highly impressed with your life. That's why I read your blog.
My favorite post of yours, well actually I have several favorites, but the one about you all in a hotel room and the carpet becoming "dirty" and the other kids were oblivious watching TV while you and your son were having a meltdown. I totally got it!!
We leave in 12 days...
Blessings,
Lisa
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