Ella!

So, I am really enjoying getting to know my kids better each day. It is as if each day they relax more and start to reveal more about their fears, pain and past. When we first met Ella she immediately grabbed my hand and claimed me as her mom. She was the one who would translate for the other two. She was the one who would always giggle uncontrollably. She also referred to her grandmother as Amaya (mom) because she didn't have much of a memory regarding her mom Bayoush. Recently, it is clear that Ella has some deep sadness regarding her mom. Even though she was very little when she died (probably around 4) she told me her mom would just lay in bed all the time. She started crying and told me she misses her. She then came to me mad and said "I want a picture of my mom." I said "Me too. But we don't have one." According to Grace, her grandmother has pictures but it is quite a trip to get from Addis to a place called Gorodella (spelled phonetically) to her house to get the pics. I am determined though and even willing to pay one of my friends relatives to take the day trip to take pics of the pics of Bayoush...So I hope to one day gaze upon her face and have a photo of her displayed proudly somewhere in our house.

So, Ella has taken to the guitar. The other night she said "I wanna scream." When I told her not to I said she could play her guitar. I came back. It was her 8:30 bedtime. She was singing and strumming a song she wrote called "I no like 8:30" ...Lyrics were "I no like 8:30, 8:30 I no like, I no like 8:30...why bed 8:30. 8:30 i no like" It was really funny. The guitar she was playing on was a guitar Andrew had bought with his birthday money. In the morning I heard a scream from Andrew and saw that Ella had written her name in purple sharpie all over the guitar. The guitar now belongs to Ella and I have to buy Andrew a new one. She says she will buy herself another one so she can have two with her birthday money. Her birthday is 8/12 but I will have a little party for her on 8/10. She turns 7.

So, Ella is wildly happy when she is happy. So last night she was screaming at the top of her lungs outside . We asked her to stop several times. She didn't so then went to her room. Later she came back out and said "I don't like this family." Then she was talking about going back to Ethiopia (this is the same child that was terrified when she thought we were actually in ethiopia at the restaurant last week). Then she went downstairs had a piece of ice cream cake and came back upstairs and said "I happy now. I sorry. I love my family." I said "So having ice cream makes you happy." She said "yes mom I very happy"....Go figure. She is a blesssing and I pray that her wounds and longing for her mother can be healed. But I also know better. It is a loss she will always have. Imagine also on top of your grief also starting to lose the memory of her face. I pray we can get a picture so she will always remember what she looked like.