Memorial! Finding Grief!

So, yesterday I had the memorial service for Aubrey. This was basically the graduation portion of the post abortion bible study I had gone to. It had been 27 years. A memorial originally seemed odd to me...plus I didn't feel I had the right to stand in a place of honor as the mother of a child that I aborted..>Still, it was part of the study and i complied. When asked 12 weeks prior what I had wanted from the class i said closure and a way to experience grief. So, I knew I had cried many tears in the years...tears of regret, tears from anger, tears from guilt and loss..but yesterday I truly grieved the loss of the child that could have been. I was surprised when I looked down at the 16 kleenex i had gone through. Mark played the music and there was a minister there along with the teacher of the study and 2 other post abortive women. We read scripture, had communion, memorialized our children, lit candles and blew them out. And i feel so much more at ease now. It is as if a 2 ton weight has been lifted. I was comforted when through prayer I imagined my little one scooped up by my Grandma Conner and Grandma Jones. I imagined her dancing and singing with the children from our family who were there before her (our brother Denny). I know it may all seem strange but it truly was cathartic and I feel totally blessed and at peace...The sweetest part of the day though was when Mark said he likes to hope that Aubrey knows that she is one of his children too and a part of this family even though he wasn't the biological father...so sweet....Praise God!